If every conflict you come across leads to this, then you're probably going to be the lonliest person on the planet! Credit to www.videogamesblogger.com/wp-con...sion.jpg for the picture.
The most recent 'conflict' i had was around last december, where i had a disagreement with my best friend of 6 years. It was quite a minor trigger factor to be honest, the both of us were very keen on a new computer game in the market. When the exams in semester 1 had ended, we went to Bishan's Junction 8 to look for the game, only to reach there too late, the shop had closed. We were both disappointed and decided to get it as soon as possible. So the very next day, i was out at Marina Square, so i decided to look for it, and i texted my friend asking him if he had got the game already. He replied saying if i got it, then he'll go get it also, since he lived opposite Junction 8 and he could just go over and buy the game. So what resulted was a frenzied search for shops that sold the game, but there were none that did in Marina Square, so i walked over to Suntec City and combed the entire place. Unfortunately they didn't have it too, so i resolved to take the train all the way back to Sengkang(where i live) and try my luck at the shopping centre there.
In the end i did manage to buy the game in Sengkang, and when i texted my friend telling him i got the game, he replied 'good for you! I'll go get it sometime'. His reply greatly annoyed me, because he had implied that once i got the game, he would go over to Junction 8 and get it so we could try out the game together.
So i pressured him to go get it, but he kept saying he was lazy, so in the end i got so annoyed i just gave him a sarcastic comment. To me i felt quite 'cheated', because it seemed like he said he'll do something, and i went the extra mile to uphold my end of the deal only to see him flip over and change his mind. I felt very frustrated with his nonchalant attitude towards my efforts to get the game, but on hindsight i suppose on his part, he would think that since we're such pals, i wouldn't have minded his sudden change of mind, he actually thought it was quite funny.
In the end though, the issue was quickly resolved because i think he knew he had irked me, because the next day he texted me said that he got the game too. While i feel that this is actually not a 'conflict' per se, but it does highlight how things can go wrong without us knowing that it did.
It seemed that the main problem was that there were expectations on each other's part, especially between close friends, when there is a breech in behaviour, it would surely hurt much more than just a normal friend, likewise the assumed 'acceptable' behaviour within close friends is greyed out, meaning that we might actually offend our close friends while not meaning to.
Hi Jeremy,
ReplyDeleteSorry to agree with your friend, but I felt it was quite an amusing incident too! Your post shows the type of miscommunication that can go wrong even between good friends on a regular basis. I supposed he didn’t mean he would get the game immediately after you, perhaps you just assumed he would. In any case, it’s a good thing this conflict was resolved; it would have been a really minor thing to break a friendship over.
I can especially empathize with the nonchalant attitude annoying you. Just after the new year, my friends and I had made plans to go and Sherlock Holmes. We had fixed everything – the time, date, venue, where to eat, etc. When I reach Plaza Singapura, I can’t find them at the place we had decided to meet, so I give them a call. To my great irritation, they had cancelled the plan, but each had assumed that the others would call me to let me know about the change in plans. In the end, obviously, none of them did. I was really irritated with them, especially because I had cancelled earlier plans just to be free that day. In the end, they made it up to me by treating me to the movie the next time. But it’s still an example or how communication can break down even among friends.
Cheers,
Abhinav
*Off topic: Which game was it??
Hi Jeremy, I feel that you value the friendship deeply after understanding that you tried so hard to fulfil the agreement you made with your best friend. You were aware of how you feel and you certainly know your rights to be angry even if he is your close friend as you gave a sarcastic remark that resulted in a prompt reply. Sometimes even the best of friends might not be aware of your feelings and you need to know when to respond to remind them of how you feel.
ReplyDeleteMost importantly, you were optimistic that your friend would listen and you kept trying to tell him to buy the game. If you were to start thinking negatively about him, you would stop trying and probably start ignoring him and you could imagine what would happen later.
However, I think your friend did not really ‘cheat’ you because he responded eventually. I guess you misunderstood him when he said he would get it after you. He probably did not mean immediately. Rather than expecting him to be as keen as you because he is your best friend, you could have clarify matters beforehand. Moreover, he did not want to disappoint you and hence gave a vague reply. This shows that sometimes it would be better we manage our emotions and reflect a while about what he implied before reacting.
Lastly, I agree with you that a conflict with a close friend hurts much more than with a normal friend. This is normal or else you should suspect if he is really your close friend. Moreover, such conflicts could bring the friendship to another level and I think both of you understand each other better now.
Jian Hwee
Hi Jeremy!
ReplyDeleteIt is very funny imagining you running all over Singapore just to find a game. I think your passion to get the game is highly commendable. If only you are also this passionate for your studies :D.
The problem you had with your friend was also due to this overflowing passion, in my opinion. It seems to me that your friend was not just as excited as you to play this game. I know it is very annoying and hurtful when a friend that is very close to us does not do what we are expected them to do. This can be because we have become very trusting to them. Yet, we are all still humans, so this kind of disappointing thing still happens from time to time.
In fact, as your friend also thought he did not hurt your feelings, this also shows that your friend also has an expectation from a friendship. This can include taking some things less seriously, exactly because you two are such good friends that will forgive each other even without the need for one party to ask forgiveness first. So I think the best thing you can do the next time you come to similar situation like this is to keep yourself calm, think that he is a good friend, and he will not purposefully want to hurt you. By keeping your cool, you will be able to avoid awkwardness between you guys.
Regards
Christabel
Hi Jeremy,
ReplyDeleteIt is really funny trying to picture you running all over Singapore for a game, just to realize in the end that your friend hasn’t brought it yet. :P
Coming back to the post, I too find this incident a bit funny like your friend did. Still, it does clearly bring out the point that conflicts (‘misunderstanding’ the better word in this case) can happen anywhere, anytime and with anyone (Be it best friends for 6 years). Perhaps you are right in pointing out that the reason for misunderstandings between good friends is because of expectations.
The fact that he texted you the next day about having brought the game, shows that even he had expectations from the friendship and believed that you will take it as a joke and not feel bad about his unexpected behavior. It is good to hear that the conflict got resolved. The beauty of friendship lies in having fun, playing pranks, killing time, talking to each other whenever there is a problem or misunderstanding and still maintaining respect and trust in each other.
Overall, a very nicely presented post!
Cheers,
Saurabh Arora